Everyone joins JET with different expectations and goals. Maybe you are coming with a partner or family, maybe you have an interest in finding someone while in Japan, whatever the circumstances, it is important to approach the possibilities of dating and intimacy responsibly. That can be daunting in a foreign language and a new environment, so here is some information to get you started.
Being a foreigner in Japan
Although discrimination, assumptions, and risks are unfortunately much more likely to occur for women, everyone must be careful. As foreigners we all stand out and may experience some of these in our time here.
Discrimination
Some people believe that foreigners are “easy” and may idealize or dehumanize us for a variety of reasons. This means getting an array of personal questions or comments from strangers and becoming a target for their attention. Of course, these exchanges are not necessarily sexual in nature, but they may make you feel unsafe or feel like microaggressions. If this is ever the case, do not hesitate to speak to others. If you have the energy, you can try to educate the person who is speaking to you.
Be aware of ‘gaijin hunters’ (people who specifically seek out foreigners for sex or relationships). Many people will date foreigners so they can practice their English.
Cultural differences
Perceptions of relationships between men and women could be very different from your home country. People who see you with someone of the opposite gender, especially if you are both foreigners, are likely to think that you are dating or married.
Furthermore, going to the house of someone of a different gender or inviting them to yours—especially alone—is often equated with sex. If you end up alone in such a situation, particularly as a woman, make sure it is very clear what your intentions and boundaries are. Since Japanese women tend to act demure and say “no” when they mean “yes” (something that is reinforced by Japanese dramas, manga and pornography), you want to be absolutely sure your intentions are understood. Things like 「kimochi warui 」 (“I am disgusted”) or 「uzai 」 (a very strong term for annoying) may be more useful than saying “no” in stopping advances.
Comments
It is common to comment on someone’s appearance in Japan. There may be people who feel free to ask you about your weight, hair, clothes, bra/penis size, etc. Although there may not be much you can do about this, you can make people who do it repeatedly aware of how it makes you feel. Also, derogatory comments are neither appropriate in the workplace nor when it is coming from students. Feel free to point this out if it occurs at school. Typically when directly confronted most people will drop an awkward topic or question so be sure to remain assertive in these types of situations.
There is a huge difference between comments and people touching you. It should be understood that touching someone without consent is inappropriate at best and harassment/assault at worst. Make a big deal of this if you feel safe/comfortable doing so and seek support if necessary.
Dating
Online dating
Nowadays, online dating is just another way for people to meet whether they are looking for a casual or a serious relationship. In Japan, popular apps such as JapanCupid, Omiai, and Zexy Koimusubi are available—these two have a more serious/long-term focus—but they will most likely require a higher level of Japanese since the app itself is in Japanese.
If navigating in Japanese is not your cup of tea, Tinder is also available in Japan. While there may be many people looking for friends or language partners, many others are looking for relationships. Some other options are: Bumble, OKcupid Japan, Pairs, Tapple, and YYC.
LGBTQIA+
Even with some laws regarding marriage equality and protection for the LGBTQIA+ against discrimination (inside and outside of work) both the laws and public opinion may differ from your home country. That being said, opinions, especially among younger people, are changing.
Gender and orientation labels are often viewed differently in Japan, so you may get a lot of questions. If you plan to come out to your Japanese acquaintances, being aware of the cultural differences around the topic will help you explain. Since your sexual orientation has nothing to do with your job—Japanese usually keep their social and professional circles separate—you do not have to mention it at work unless you want to.
Bigger cities more often have parties and events that are LGBTQ friendly/exclusive. Most of them are shared less publicly and you may need to know someone in the community to get an invite.
There are some Facebook support groups such as Stonewall Japan.
For the gay user base, the most common app, especially in the inaka (countryside) is 9monsters. In more urban areas, Jack’d and Scruff may also be possibilities. For the lesbian user base, Cosy, LesPark, Scissr, and WAPA are apps that may help you. OKcupid and Tinder are less ideal but still used.
Safety
When you meet with a new person for the first time, make sure to let someone know where you are going and who you are with. If possible, bring a friend along and always meet in a public place—at least until you know each other well.
Contraceptives
The Pill
As with all health information, make sure to confirm with a health professional!
About
All contraceptive pills 「ピル」(piru) or 「避妊薬」(hinin yaku) available in Japan are low-dose—hormones and side-effects are kept to minimum levels.
Where can I get it?
Pills are available in clinics and sometimes covered by insurance.
There are limited supplies by location and insurance coverage, so make sure to ask what’s available! Ask your doctor about the active ingredients.
After your first visit to the clinic, you do not have to see the doctor and can get a refill at the front desk.
Cost
It costs ~￥3,000—4,000 per sheet and you have to go back every month to get the next sheet.
Condoms
Where can I get it?
Usually found in the ladies’ section of drug and convenience stores, Don Quijote, etc.
The dimensions may be a little different from Western brands. If this causes an issue, you can find Western brands online.
Culture
Traditionally viewed as the woman’s responsibility in Japan.
Just like anywhere, men may try to not use them. Please know that you do not have to accept that type of behavior, nor should you feel obligated to.
Plan B, “Morning After” Pill
About
This emergency contraceptive, 「緊急避妊薬」 (kinkyūhinin yaku) or 「モーニング ・ アフター ピル」 (mōningu afutā piru), is a prescription-only medicine.
The pill is only effective if taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex.
Where can I get it?
You must visit an OB/GYN or ladies’ clinic to get one.
Cost
¥15,000-20,000
It is not covered by the national health insurance.
Safe Sex
UTI Prevention/Treatment
Many people visit the doctor for this.
Treatment
Things you may be used to using—like cranberry juice—are hard to find. Online stores will be your best choice.
If you are unable to find something, sometimes it is just under a different name. Ask your trusted friend or co-worker and describe the product you want/why.
Where can I get it?
Good sources: Amazon/Amazon JP, Costco, iHerb
Pro-tip: urinate within 10 minutes after sexual activity to reduce the risk of UTIs. This is true for all parties involved!
STIs/STDs & Testing
About
Being a responsible sexually-active adult, getting tested for STIs/STDs is really important. Asking possible partners about their health and disclosing your own is fundamental to safe sex. As with many other places, discussing sex is often somewhat taboo in Japan.
After becoming a major health concern in the late 1980s, HIV/AIDs infections finally began falling in 2018. Most people with HIV/AIDs in Japan are men and about 27% of people with the disease did not know they were infected.
Sex ed. can vary greatly by country. Be careful!
Where can I get tested?
You can test with an OB/GYN or doctor at a hospital, clinic, or ladies’ clinic. For clinics in the countryside, you may have to request the tests in advance and wait for them to be ordered.
You may not have time to go to the doctor or the prospect is a little uncomfortable. At-home STI/STD testing kits are also an option. Depending on which kit you order online, they should arrive within a few days in a discreet package. You only need to follow the instructions for each sample, put them into the prepaid return envelope, and send it back to the lab. You should get the result within two weeks.
For HIV/AIDs, you may need to go to a city for testing. Check at: https://stonewalljapan.org/resources/sexual-health/
For other types of tests, regular clinics should be ok. Often women are tested at OB/GYN clinics and men at urology clinics.
Cost
There isn’t a test for all STIs, so make sure to request the tests you need. Some things may be covered by insurance, but not everything.
If you have possible symptoms of an STI/STD, health insurance can cover the tests. If you have no symptoms, you will be responsible for the cost. You can pay for a physical certificate of the results if you would like.
HIV/AIDs testing is offered at public health centers for free. You cannot request the certificate if you do it this way however, as it is anonymous.
The price for at-home STI/STD testing kits vary but they can be slightly cheaper than going to a doctor.
Abortion
About
Japan offers legal surgical abortions at designated OB/GYN clinics for patients with serious physical, economic, and/or social reasons. This also includes cases of rape or incest. Most public hospitals do not carry out abortions.
It is a one-day procedure, but takes at least three visits (consultation, surgery, and follow-up).
Abortion pills
Chemical/medical “abortion pills” (misoprostol) which are made to mimic labor to induce miscarriage or stillbirth, are illegal in Japan. Those available online are not approved/safe for use. All responsibilities will fall on the user.
“Spousal” consent
Your provider will ask you about the father. If you cannot tell them who the father is, there is nothing they can do. Otherwise, the father must give permission. If you want an abortion in Japan, the father must consent or the procedure cannot be carried out.
Cost
The procedure is not covered by Japanese Health Insurance and often must be paid in cash.
For procedures after the first-trimester, the hospital/clinic must provide a death certificate (classified as stillbirth) to the ward hall, receive approval for burial and cremation, and optionally obtain a place in a cemetery. Thus, it becomes increasingly difficult to find locations for the procedure.
The cost varies by term and doctor. It may be cheaper at a ladies’ clinic but not always.
First-trimester
Up to 11 weeks and 6 days
Your provider will slightly open the cervix, insert a small syringe into the uterus, and remove the pregnancy.
It is usually done under light anesthesia, to lessen discomfort.
¥100,000 ~ ¥200,000
Second-trimester
12 weeks ~ 21 weeks and 6 days
Hospitalization for a few days is required and it is more difficult to find a place willing to perform the procedure, as it is more complicated, expensive, and riskier.
The following costs do not include the cost of hospital admission or length of stay.
12 〜14 weeks：¥300,000 ~ ¥350,000 15+ weeks：¥450,000 ~ ¥500,000Third-trimester
From 22 weeks
Third-trimester abortions are only performed when serious complications arise and threaten the life of the pregnant individual.
These abortions are performed as emergencies and are very rare
Social perception
The procedure is not covered by Japanese Health Insurance and often must be paid in cash.
Abortion is considered contraception and is usually the woman’s responsibility. This makes it easier (as long as the father consents) but the doctor may ask your to mourn.
Culture
Jizō is a Buddhist monk who forwent enlightenment to guide the souls of people who are trapped. He is incredibly popular in Japan and his statue, often looking very child-like and decorated with a red bib or hat, can be seen everywhere. Jizō is often seen as specifically watching over children who pass before their parents, travelers, and firefighters. The doctor may ask you to “adopt” a Jizō statue after an abortion.
People pay to adopt a Jizō and have their names inscribed on him. They will dress him like an infant and pour water over him to quench his thirst. Parents will often leave small toys by Jizō as offerings for the souls of children or thanks for sparing their child from an illness.
The reasons behind this practice can include parental grief, desire to comfort the soul of the child/fetus, guilt, hope of forgiveness, or fear of retribution from a vengeful ghost.
Pregnancy
Pregnancy tests
Easily accessible, you can find them in pharmacies and drugstores. You will usually find them with condoms and lubricants. There are different brands and they will vary in price. They usually follow the same rules: positive when you get two blue/ink lines or the word “pregnant” 「妊娠」(ninshin).
You can get false negatives on pregnancy tests, ~1% of tests when following the instructions, but it almost impossible to get a false positive. You can arrange for a test at any OB/GYN or ladies’ clinic.
Regular check-ups
You will need more regular check-ups when pregnant and will receive an ultrasound each time.
After your pregnancy is confirmed, you will need to register it with your local town hall. You will receive a book with information about pregnancy and immunization of children. Please bring it with you to your doctor’s visits, etc.
You may have pre-natal or special leave that can be used for these check-ups. Please check your contract and discuss with your supervisor.
Maternity stickers/keychains
If you would like, you may also receive maternity stickers or tags to tell people around you that you are pregnant. These are often placed on bags which indicate to people to give up their seat on trains, buses, etc.
Activity
The recommended weight gain may be different than in your home country. Make sure that it is safe for you to follow the Japanese guidelines and will not cause complications.
You may be told to stop exercising or having sex.
Costs
None of the costs of pregnancy and delivery are covered by the JET accident insurance. Normal pregnancy costs are not covered by national health insurance, but c-sections and emergency care are.
Epidurals
Epidurals must be booked in advance and are not covered by national health insurance. Additionally, many places may not offer this option so you should ask the center.
After the birth
Hospital stays are longer, so read your contract to see what kinds of pregnancy and maternity leave you have. Some of it may be unpaid, so consider taking paid leave instead.
More Information
More information can be found in the JET General Information Handbook and at your local town hall.
There are also many different support and leaving groups online for expectant and new mothers. Some options include:
Motherhood For ALTs In Japan and Tokyo Pregnancy Group, which supports women throughout Japan. One of the organizers of Tokyo Pregnancy Group, Stephanie Kawai, is also a practicing doula in Tokyo who has a website with lots of helpful resources.
